To Be
by daiyaonna
Summary: They didn't expect it. No one does. yukiXharu oneshot


Disclaimer: I do not own. Please give credit where it's due. Thanks.

Author's Note: Just a random thing. A friend of mine wanted something Yuki x Haru-ish. This is it. Enjoy it (and be gentle).

* * *

_**To Be**_

Sohma Yuki was lost. His mind swam in an abyss of questions, endless, confusing, and he couldn't seem to answer them.

It hurt.

Kyo fought with him _all_ the time, and he'd eventually come to realize that the cat wouldn't accept him as anything but an enemy, though he knew how he **really** felt. The fan club at school had become so obsessive that he'd started to withdraw and hide as much as he could.

In short, his life had become pointless, unethical, and he hated it.

"Sohma-kun?"

Yuki blinked and looked up, paling when he realized that Tohru had been trying to get his attention.

"Oh. Honda-san. What is it?"

"Are you…feeling well?"

Yuki nodded. "I'm fine. Did you need something?"

"No," she answered, smoothing the dress she wore. "I just wanted to let you know that I was going out for a little while. I already made dinner, too. You just have to heat it up."

"Okay. Thank you." He smiled and stood, walking with her to the front of the house. Tohru slipped on her shoes and opened the door, preparing to step out when someone stopped her.

"Oh! S-Sohma-kun!" Yuki shook his head, afraid to know who it was. Tohru was too polite for her own good…and sometimes for his own.

"Tohru-chan," a familiar voice acknowledged, causing the rat to wince. "Is Yuki home?" At the words, Yuki slid further away from the door.

He didn't want this. Not now.

"Yes! He's inside. See you later, Sohma-kun." He heard Tohru leave and swallowed tightly, closing his eyes. He should have expected this, should have known that he could never be alone, never be...free.

Was it…_him_?

Arms wrapped around his waist, a squeak emitting from his throat.

"Yuki." Breath was warm against his neck, chilling his spine, and he melted against the body when he recognized the smell.

Cloves and mild cologne.

"H-Haru?"

"Who else?" There was a pause, and then, a mouth pressed to the lobe of his ear. "God. I missed you." His grasp tightened, pulling him close enough to feel the contour of his body.

"I'm sure," Yuki purred, arching his back into the touch, laughing quietly to himself. The charades they performed were so intricate no one could have guessed.

Yet, sometimes, he was afraid for the beautiful boy holding him in an utterly shameless, intimate embrace. If they were ever caught-

"What's wrong?" Haru asked, feeling the slender youth stiffen in his arms. He didn't answer. "Yuki?"

"I was just thinking. It's nothing." Hatsuharu turned Yuki around to face him, tilting his chin up. He stroked slender fingers over his cheek, brushing the edge of his lips as he stared into wide, violet eyes. Yuki flushed.

"It's _always_ nothing with you," he murmured, cupping his jaw. "What's bothering you? Is it that damn cat!"

"No!" Yuki answered almost immediately, though rather loudly, unable to stand the other bristling at the thought of the orange-haired Sohma. He knew why Haru hated him so, but he couldn't say. Not ever.

"Then what?"

"I was just…afraid. Haru-" Yuki threw arms around the slightly taller boy's neck, pressing himself close. "What if…Akito…"

"Whoa! Yuki…"

"Hold me," he whispered, nuzzling Haru's throat and kissing shyly at the skin. "I don't want…"

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Mmmm, baby-" Yuki sucked at the junction between neck and shoulder, lithe fingers sliding under the leather jacket Haru wore to rub at his sides.

"Hold me," he repeated, straining against him, wiggling suggestively, and Haru pulled him towards the pillows placed conveniently for sitting. They sank into them, Yuki tugging the other so that he was sprawled on his lap. Haru instantly captured Yuki's mouth with questing lips, his tongue gently probing inside to lick at the other tongue he found there. There was a quiet moan, and Haru smiled, unable to stop himself from working the shirt tucked in Yuki's pants free so he could touch him. The gray haired youth gasped.

"H-Haru…" He curved towards him, legs parting to support him more comfortably, but he hid his face against Haru's chest instead of returning for another kiss.

"Yuki." At his name, he began to shake.

"I don't want to…"

"Okay. We don't have to do anything you-"

"I DON'T WANT TO-TO LOSE YOU!" he yelled, tears threatening to fall. "I'm tired of pretending with everyone, Haru. I don't want this to…go away."

"Oh, baby." Haru brushed at strands of off-white. "You won't. I love you. You were…you are the _only_ one I love."

"B-but why? How can you? After what A-Aki…after what-" He broke down, sobbing.

"Shh. Baby, you're beautiful." Haru kissed him gently. "There's nothing wrong with you."

"But-"

"Everything's going to be okay. Trust me." Haru swiped at the wetness on the other's face, wrapping his arms around him in a tight hold.

Yuki was so fragile, so broken. Hatsuharu felt his teeth grinding. Why were the people he cared for most so mistreated to the point that they crumbled? He didn't want that.

He hadn't wanted that at all.

"I love you, Yuki." Haru hid the waver in his voice with a kiss, and Yuki smiled around it.

"Haru…"

Lost? Alone?

Yuki stared at the boy cradling him.

He never could be with Haru. Though he'd never tell him, probably couldn't as much as he tried, he loved him, too.

**End**


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